We have been reflecting a lot on desire in our marriage lately. There are so many desires that plague new marriages. So many are virtuous- so many are not.
Eric and I desire so many things for our future and for one another. We desire happiness and holiness above all, yet within those desires we dream. We dream to have a family, we dream to own a house, and maybe even a Welch Corgi Amber puppy with white spots named Isabella. We dream to celebrate each Christmas with ingrained familial tradition, and we dream to bring in each celebration of His resurrection with Faithfulness and Truth. We dream, to see the world which He created, and touch, even if only a few, hearts that live within it. We dream to leave this place better than we found it, for Him.
We have been blessed with so very much and for our blessings we could not be more thankful. It has never been clear to us, the inner makings of this life. Why we should be so blessed, and others find themselves in such strife? Yet, to whom much is given, much is expected and we are currently in the midst of pondering His great expectations.
Our desires are clear, and our dreams almost tangible, yet where does one step in and draw the line? The line the separates what is Good and simply what is. We desire to serve Him, and to show Him, through our limited human conception, our love...the love that He so freely allows to flow.
Eric and I currently have all that we need, and, it could be argued, most everything we want. That is saying a lot. So the question becomes, when do we offer up these things? Not insomuch as give them all away, or take vows of poverty...but when do we offer up these things in order to to get closer to fulfillment? The fulfillment of our marital vocation, the fulfillment that comes when we offer up all that we are and all that we have for another. When do sacrifice the comfort of our lives to bring life?
It is not easy. We are young, newcomers to this whole marriage thing. We do not have all of our loose ends tied up, nor do we even have milk in the fridge. Yet, we have been given a gift...a desire that continues to grow in our hearts...the desire to begin our family. We do not own our dream home, there is no white picket fence in the front yard, our space is limited, and so are our funds, yet, our desire grows. And so too, we pray, will our resolve to recognize that this indeed may be His immediate Will for us and in that, it would behoove us to heed.
The chasm that divides selfishness from virtue can be wide, and yet, can narrow itself to a place where it becomes almost non-existent. In that state of non-existence is where we find ourselves. Constantly wondering, waiting, to see if our desires are truly servant-oriented or if they are only self-serving? We pray that our desires may become realities, but know that is only possible if we continue to keep Him at the center and service at the forefront.
-K
